I can’t have a good day without anxiety getting in the way, at least not lately.
Last Wednesday, I spent the afternoon with my best friend. We got food and had a photoshoot done. It was supposed to be a good day; a nice day for just the two of us.
But at lunch, I had a huge panic attack and breakdown over something small, something I wasn’t even upset about. I cried at the table for a good 20 minutes. I felt frustrated and embarrassed. It made my friend uncomfortable and guilty because she thought it was her fault. We talked about it a bit after and apologized to each other. The rest of the afternoon went well and we were able to have fun at the photoshoot, but it felt like, at least to me, that there was “a big elephant in the room”.
A few days later was my graduation. I had a few panic/anxiety attacks. My anxiety was at one of the highest points it had ever been. I could barely handle it. I was on edge at lunch. Whenever someone asked me something, I snapped. My mind was screaming. At one point at lunch, I cried. All I wanted to do the whole time during graduation was go find my best friend, and all I wanted to do during lunch with my family was go home. I had had enough.
It sucks because no matter how hard I try to enjoy something and have a good time, anxiety is going to be in the way if it wants to. If it wants to be a bitch, it’s going to. If it wants to embarrass me, it’s going to. I know I’m not alone on this one, it’s like that for everyone with anxiety.
The best way to deal with it is try to ignore it for the time being and have fun with whatever it is your presently doing. Focus on having fun with the people around you. However, that might not always work no matter how hard you try.
So here’s a few other things you can try for the time being (especially if you’re not in the position to leave):
1. Take deep breaths
2. Take an Ativan (anti-anxiety medication) – I take it as needed and it works almost immediately, but of course I forgot it both of those days
3. Excuse yourself from the groups – Space helps me calm down, quiet my mind, and rewind
4. If you feel comfortable enough, tell someone you’re with that you are struggling with anxiety at the moment; talk to them about it – It will help them understand why you are acting the way you are, and give you the chance to apologize if you aren’t yourself or lash out on them