Bi and Proud

Orginally posted on BrockPride.ca

My story is a short one because I have only known my true sexual orientation for two years. When I realized I was bisexual, I was confused. How am I just realizing this after all these years?I had this new identity. What do I do with it? Who do I tell? I was lost and afraid of what might come next.13327647_10154213142127481_281439426212230839_n

I knew I had always found Demi Lovato attractive, even before I labelled myself. I mean, who doesn’t think she’s gorgeous and sexy? So I decided not to label myself based on that but it did open my mind and made me a bit curious.

It was easy to tell my best friends. My one friend isn’t straight so I knew she’d be okay with it. She helped me through figuring this out. I am very blessed I had her at the time. My other friend accepted it, and was so supportive and never judged me once.

A few months after, I developed my first female crush on one of my good friends. It’s easy to see why. She’s gorgeous, has a good personality and is an amazing friend. I already knew she didn’t like me in that way and I accepted it. I probably wouldn’t have risked the amazing friendship we had for a relationship anyways.

We developed a crush on the same guy. She dated him for a while after I gave her the go ahead. She knew him first and I wanted her to be happy. She knew I liked him but what she didn’t know was that I liked her too. It was like double the awkwardness and double the discomfort whenever I saw them together. But I didn’t say anything.

Side note: the guy became an asshole and they broke up.

I eventually told her that I liked her because my feelings were just getting stronger. I was terrified and was shaking but she was so supportive and never once judged me.

Unrequited love is probably one of the worst feelings. Word of advice: Don’t fall for it. Don’t sink into it. As soon as you realize it’s not going to work, move on. It’s not easy, but I didn’t even attempt to move on and let myself sink into it.

It wasn’t all that bad. I mean, I experienced being in love for the first time. It was a nice feeling, even if it was one-sided. And she did love me, just in a different way. Most of the time, that was enough. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want to get over her.

I got over my feelings for her after a huge fight we had last summer (2015). We eventually made up.  We’re good friends again. Soul sisters. I still love her but as a sister and friend. I still think she’s incredible. But there’s no way I’m going back or in another situation like that, especially because it caused ache and unintentional drama between us.

I am so lucky to have her and my friends at Pride Niagara. I am very blessed to grow up in the Niagara Region, where there is a strong LGBT community. My first pride event was the St. Catharines flag raising 2015 and have been going to them ever since. The events are always so much fun and there’s never a dull moment. I have met tons of amazing people who are always so warm and welcoming. Such a fun community to be a part of. I feel an amazing sense of belonging at these events.

I am out to everyone. Friends, family and readers. I am fortunate that they’ve all been really supportive. I came out on Facebook and my blog during pride week 2015. It was an easy decision. I was already out to the people that mattered. I didn’t really care what anyone else thought.

Maybe my late realization was a blessing in disguise. I mean, it would’ve been nice to know who I was, instead of randomly waking up one day and realizing I’m not straight. But I got through my whole grade school and high school life feeling comfortable being straight and not getting bullied due to being bisexual. This is because I didn’t even realize my sexual orientation until after high school so I’m not saying it’s a good thing to hide who you are to avoid confrontation.
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To all those who are struggling with LGBT related issues or anything really, I strongly encourage you to talk to someone, whether it’s friends, professional, support groups, or even me. If you ever feel alone, remember you don’t have to be. Someone will listen. I know I will. I spent hours every week in the counselling office, and talking to my friends and even strangers online about my sexuality, crushes, confusion, heartbreak. It helped me so much. I am comfortable and know who I am now. I am very thankful for my counsellors, friends, and my lovatic friends (you know who you are) who helped me and still continue to support me. Also, thank you to Pride Niagara for all that you do and for the LGBT community for being so awesome, warm and supportive. See you guys again soon!

For more LGBT stories, go to http://www.brockpride.ca/#!blog/d71ec

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