I had been sober since December. I had been sober for 190 days. For the past few weeks, I had been having a lot of triggers; friends drinking, stress from school, and the fact that it is common for writers to drink. My birthday was Saturday. I made the well-thought-out decision to put my sobriety on pause and drink for the day. I knew there were risks, and that’s why I talked to my counsellor the day before and told my friend to watch me and not let me go overboard.
When I went into the liquor store Friday afternoon, I had a mini anxiety attack. My vision got blurry, my breathing slowed down, and I paced all around the store – not being able to grab anything but also not being able to leave. I felt like I was going to relapse right there, at that moment. What was supposed to be a five minute errand, quickly turned into a 45 minute one. But as soon as I brought my stuff and left, I felt better and relieved.
But I had fun Saturday. I really did. My thoughts, my emotions, and I stayed in control. I am proud of myself. I actually unintentionally stopped close to midnight that night.
Of course, I was hungover the next morning and the smell of alcohol in the kitchen was horrible…and kind of triggering. But I managed to clean it up. And my friend took the rest of it home.
I don’t consider this relapse because I was just drinking for fun. I was just being a normal, young, silly birthday girl. I wasn’t drinking to hide and ignore pain; I was just being me and I like me.
Anyways, I had lots of fun and I don’t regret a thing.
However, if you were an alcoholic (which I wasn’t – click on the link below for my story about why I stopped drinking) and are recovering, I don’t recommend throwing your sobriety away for one night, especially if you have any doubts. It’s really not worth throwing away all your hard work.
My story about why I stopped drinking: http://stayingstrong247.com/2015/03/16/just-because-youre-clean-dont-mean-you-dont-miss-it-taylor-swift/
Stay strong lovelies <3