“I ran out of tears.”

When I was in high school, I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night.

Now? Nothing. As much as I want to, I physically can’t cry.

I joke with my friends sometimes and say “I ran out of tears”.

I was lying in bed a few nights ago. I was upset about something. I needed a good cry. I needed to let it out.

It wasn’t just that one thing. Things have been building up inside me for quite a while.

Three extremely forced tears came out.

I tried to think of all the sad memories, thoughts, and feelings.

I tried to put on sad music.

*I tried slapping myself with an elastic band to see if the pain would make me cry/get on the urge to cry.

*Side note: this isn’t considered self harm because the pain just lasts a second. It was actually recommended to me by specialists.

I tried googling “how to make myself cry.”

Nothing worked. I laid in bed, for an hour, just staring into space.

I get pressure/tension headaches whenever I’m really upset because I’m not getting a good enough release.

I usually have a blank face on or just stare into space when I’m in public because I am physically not able to express emotions and let them out when I’m alone.

Besides a few tears here and there, I have not had a good cry in three months.

The last few times I’ve cried, I was drunk. It’s been a few years since I’ve been able to cry sober (that I remember). I’m still currently not drinking though.

Surprisingly, I have only once cried in a counsellor’s office, even in high school.

Some people can go without crying. Good for those people.

But I like to cry. It helps me. I feel better after.

When I cry at night, I can actually go out with a genuine smile on my face the next day.

Crying is how I used to get through things.

Not being able to cry and be emotional is so frustrating for me.

I feel so physically/visibly emotionless and detached from my situation.

I sometimes feel like Kristen Stewart aka Bella from Twilight.

I act so natural, when I feel like breaking down.

I say “physically/visibly emotionless” because I know I’m hurt and/or upset. I know all of my emotions.

I can talk about it and write about it.

But I can’t cry, or show any emotion in my face.

The other night when I laid in bed and stared at the wall, I got so frustrated.

I remember hitting my head, hitting the bed.

I remember cupping my face in my hands.

I remember wondering what was wrong with me.

“Why can’t I just cry?! I’m upset and parts of my life completely suck right now. Cry! God damn it! Just cry!” I thought.

The reason I am writing this is because I need to let my frustrations out.

Another reason I’m writing this is to tell those people who don’t cry, are afraid to cry, and/or feel guilty/bad/stupid when they cry, that…

It’s ok to cry, whether it’s alone or in front of someone.

Don’t hold back your tears (unless you have to, like during a job). There are way more reasons why you should let them out than why you shouldn’t.

Never pass up an opportunity to cry on someone’s shoulders. I always tell my friends it’s ok to cry when they are with me and they’re upset, and they usually do. I prefer to cry with someone there. Someone to hold me, hug me, play with my hair. It feels nice. It’s a special bonding moment between you and your friend. Cherish it.

Crying is not a sign of weakness! In fact, I see it as the exact opposite. Crying shows strength and courage. It shows how strong you are for going through whatever it is your going through. Expressing emotions shows acceptance for whatever it is that’s going on.

Take it from someone who desperately wants/needs to cry but for some reason, can’t. I get frustrated because I can’t have the release that I know I need. I get headaches and am tired all the time.

Take it from me, and have a good cry. Let it out.

Is crying actually good for you?

I read a blog post from another WordPress blogger – Rohan 7 Things – about reasons why you should cry. It actually makes a lot of sense and I agree with all of it.

  1. It Reduces Stress

“When you’re upset and stressed, you have an imbalance and build up of chemicals in the body, and crying helps to reduce that”

  1. It Improves Your Relationships

“Seeing each other in a vulnerable state builds trust and strengthens the bonds between people. It also shows that you are capable of experiencing a broad range of emotions.”

  1. It Balances Your Mood

Emotional crying releases our endorphins, our happy, feel good chemicals. “When we cry for any period of time endorphins are released into our system and we feel good.”

  1. It Reduces Blood Pressure

“While crying does not directly reduce blood pressure, the build up of emotional pain or stress raises it.” Keeping all your emotions inside “results in all sorts of negative physical and psychological reactions, and the best way to release it all is through crying.”

  1. It’s Good For Your Eye Balls

Tears contains antibacterial and antivirus “that work against germs and other nasty things. Tears contain lysozyme, a liquid disinfectant that can kill 90-95% of bacteria in just 5-10 minutes.”

(Healy, 2013)

References

Healy, R. (2013). 5 Reasons Why You Should Cry & 7 Things To Help You Do It!. Rohan 7 Things WordPress. Retrieved from https://rohan7things.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/5-reasons-why-you-should-cry-7-things-to-help-you-do-it/

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