“Just because you’re clean, don’t mean you don’t miss it.” – Taylor Swift

I wrote a post back in late October about staying sober. It wasn’t that I had an addiction, in fact, I was far from one. I rarely drank. Maybe once a week or two weeks. But when I did, I drank to get drunk, and when I was drunk, I would have a big breakdown and I couldn’t control my emotions for nothing. So I decided to actively stay sober.

I did have a drink a few times between November and December. But today, I am 87 days sober. I give kudos to recovering alcoholics because this ain’t easy.

When I’m having a really bad and/or stressful day, I want a drink. When I’m around alcohol, I get the biggest urge to have a drink. Which is completely normal. But I know I have to fight it or else I’ll regret it. I know one drink doesn’t mean one drink. I know more than one drink may be another lovely trip to the hospital or urgently needing a friend to stay with me because of the crazy thoughts that might be going through my head.

Parties are the worst. There’s alcohol everywhere you look. There’s people offering you alcohol. The smell of alcohol is stronger than anything else and it just screams at you. This is how it felt at New Year’s Eve, how I felt when I had five friends over the other day, how I feel at the restaurant/bar at the college, and how I will feel when I go to clubs in the summer. Since, thankfully, I’m not a recovering alcoholic, I can be around it and stay sane. I can try and push past it and have fun. But it’s still not easy.

It also just sucks because as a 20 year old college student, I should be able to have drinks and not worry about it. I should be able to have drinks with friends, but like, unfortunately I can’t. It isn’t normal for a 20 year old women, who isn’t and never has been an alcoholic, to commit to being sober. But its life and I have to do what I have to do.

Support is the biggest thing. I’m never around alcohol without a close friend. It’s essential for me to have someone I love say no to me, whenever I ask for a drink. I don’t want to disappoint someone I love. Close friends are super important to me, so they have the power. Encouragement and pride is the best. People have told me they’re proud of me for doing this. I take pride in telling people I’m staying sober, saying “no thanks” when someone offers me a drink, and for picking Pepsi over vodka. It feels good.

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I’m obviously not in any position to relate to any alcoholics, but I just want to say, recovery is possible. It is possible to live a happy, sober life. Please reach out if you have an addiction, of any kind. There is hope. Never give up.

Also, you can contact me if you want my help.

Before I go to bed, I just want to say congratulations to Demi Lovato for being three years sober. So proud of this girl. She’s an amazing inspiration. And one of the reasons I’m staying so strong is because of her and because of the promise I made to her.

Stay strong lovelies <3

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