Someone asked me the other day if I was still in touch with you guys. Unfortunately, I had to say no.
We haven’t spoken, on good terms, in months.
First off, I will say I accept responsibility for my part. I know I let you both down when I didn’t make time to see you or even text you.
And when I did, it seemed to be only when I needed something.
Or a “hey it was nice to see you!” if I saw you out in public.
I know you feel like you were replaced by my “new” best friend.
But I never had the intentions of doing those things. I never had the intention of hurting anyone who didn’t deserve it.
It just kind of happened. Friends drift apart.
We all made changes in our lives.
My priorities changed. I had to part with some things in my life, which included you.
Now, let’s not put this all on me.
I had no room for bullshit, negativity, or drama in my life. I only had (still only have) room for the ones who love me and are there for me.
Friends don’t bully their friends.
One of you bullied me on and off during high school and my first year of college. You called it tough love.
I remember nights I spent crying and begging you to stop being so mean.
You didn’t even invite me to your parties because I was a “burden” then had no problem talking about them right in front of me.
I remember you not believing I was depressed.
When I showed you scratches on my arm from self-harming, you judged me.
You called me an attention seeker and told me to stop being emo, stop copying Demi.
You asked me what I used. I said sharp end of a paper clip. You laughed and said “that’s nothing.”
I remember a couple years later, when I did it again, I, for some reason, asked you for a bandaid. You demanded that I show you my arm. You grabbed it. I managed to pull away before you saw. Why do you think I didn’t want to show you? Doing this, you made it really uncomfortable to be around you.
Those are NOT examples of tough love. None of it was not a joke.
I’m not saying there weren’t times where we got along or where you made a positive impact on my life.
We did have some amazing times together. We met the Jonas Brothers together. You came family camping a few times with my family and I. We went to Toronto once with my mom and aunt. We made embarrassing YouTube videos together.
I did invite you to a couple parties at my dad’s house. I want to say they were good memories but they aren’t completely.
The first party, you left me alone, drinking, with about 200 strangers to play beer pong on the deck. You knew I couldn’t get up because of my wheelchair. The day after, we went to Canada’s Wonderland where you bodily forced me on a ride I didn’t want to go on.
The second party, my 19th birthday party, you brought weed and got high, after I specifically told you beforehand I didn’t want you to. I don’t know exactly what happened but I know somebody started a fight about it. You put a dent in my night, and I’m pretty sure I cried afterwards.
You say my “new” best friend replaced you.
I’m not going to deny that because the truth is, she did.
At this point, I only knew her for a couple months, and she was already treating me better than you ever did.
We have been friends for over three years now. We’ve only had one fight. We communicate respectfully. She takes me out and invites me to places. She never judges me. And she is always there for me.
That’s way more than I can ever say about you.
To the other friend I drifted away from, I’m sorry. I genuinely did not mean to. It just kind of happened like that.
Something happened to me. I went to the hospital for having a psychotic episode. You actually came to see me.
You probably don’t know this, because I don’t remember you asking, but I was really struggling afterwards. It caused me to become isolated towards almost everyone and cling to my “new” best friend.
After I recovered, I switched out of the program we were in together, to go into Journalism.
Then I got much more busy with school. We lost touch. I started spending time with the people around me and I’m sure you did the same.
I’m sure the fact that, you are friends with the one I mentioned before, didn’t help either.
I’m sure she gossiped to you about me and about what a “bad” friend I was.
I’m sure you don’t know half of what she did to me.
You were always around her. I chose to distance myself from her on purpose so I guess that meant drifting from you too.
I am not sure how I ruined your 19th birthday, as she said.
Should I not have stayed at the club for an extra hour? Even after you convinced me it was okay? I told you to text me if you wanted me to come back to the hotel.
Should I not have brought my friend back to the hotel to call a cab?
I never meant to do these things. You were a good friend who I enjoyed spending time with. I do miss you but I guess it’s too late now.
All the times I “hurt” you in the past, you never told me or stood up for yourself.
You lied and told me you deleted Facebook; when all you really did was block me. One day, when I texted you, you told me I had the “wrong number”. How immature is that?
We could’ve addressed the issues and avoided any misunderstandings. I still don’t know exactly what I did wrong.
You never texted me as we were drifting. So, this isn’t all on me either.
I didn’t try, but neither did you.